Friday: More on the Passion for painting...

Here is the mostly (deja vue) finalized self portrait.   Once again I'm limited in time so I have to scribble down this entry and run.
Lately I'm wondering how committed I actually am to my art.  I'll let a painting sit for weeks without doing much of anything to it, even though I feel drawn to act.  I think at this point a full time artist would classify me as a hobbyist.  It is probably not fair to those who work every day of their lives to create works of art if I call myself an Artist.  But I will admit that I do consider myself an artist...only I am not full time.  This is  somewhat like golf, which by the way has been competing for my time.  I am a golfer, but I don't spend every day golfing.
 Some people spend their entire lives devoted to creating fine works of art without regard to fame or money. They have a passion for it.  They are driven towards the goal of creating something great.
I don't see myself as ever making the jump to the "devotion at all costs status".  Firstly,  I need a certain amount of money to be comfortable.  Not a lot, but enough to pay bills, feed myself and do what I want without a ton of worry.  I decided this years ago.  I did not like the idea of being a starving artist.  The bitter, melancholy type who spurns the "dominant paradigm". Secondly, I like doing other things with my time.  I like having variety in my life.  That includes ridiculous things like chasing a little white ball around a well- groomed pasture and knocking it into a little hole.
Ultimately, my goal is to become a full-time artist  when I retire.  I know creating art is in my blood.  And that need to create will never go away.  I have been given that gift and I can't squander it.
   So even though I haven't been acting on my instincts to paint lately, they are there. They are there every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to bed.
So I am asking myself today.  Does this instinct qualify as passion if I don't find time to act on it?  And at this point, looking at the question typed out in front of me, the answer I hear is...no.  And the word 'squander' pops into my head.  More later.

What, this again?  About time...

So here it is Friday, a day after that above post.  I want to be clear that I wasn't looking for encouragement or advice when I posted that information, although I do appreciate those things.
Years ago I had a problem getting to work on time.  I would get there and tell my friend and co-worker why I was late and apologize.  Finally one day he said something  that has stuck with me to this day.  "Kevin, I don't want to hear any of your bull-s--t excuses".  We are friends to this day.  It took me awhile to come around, but I eventually figured out how to get to work on time.
Years before, someone used the old expression "excuses are like (you know whats), everyone has one".  That has also stuck with me.  No one really wants to hear your excuses.  Either do it or don't.
I know that I procrastinate.  I get easily side-tracked.  So when I looked at the painting yesterday, I had to be honest with myself.  Why has it taken so long to finish this?  Yes, it was important to take my time, but I could have had this done weeks ago had I set aside a small amount of time.  So I have to evaluate how much time I have to dedicate to what I love doing.  Because no one knows how much time is left.  And I have many more paintings left to do.
Some of  the concerns I have when I do have the opportunity to paint full-time.  Will it dog me?  Will I feel pressed to get something done? How can I schedule my creativity?  I don't want this to feel like a job. 
That's enough for today.  I have to start the next painting.

Fixing up and moving on

I was all set to post the nearly final painting today.  When I looked at the photo I saw a glaring error in the composition that wasn't evident until I blocked in the neck area.  So rather than pointing it out I cropped the photo so I can fix it.  I wouldn't want anyone to key in on that error because that's all you would be looking at from now on.  I blocked in the neck and left some inconsistent areas until I can get a few more layers in there to soften the edges. I remembered the advice from Gary and Rhonda which was to minimize the lower portion so as not to take stray from the focal point.  So don't worry, there will be more minimizing there as I go forward...

By the way, I need to add that I recognized that I was not as focused as I needed to be when I went in to do the neck.  I moved ahead anyway knowing that as long as I didn't do anything drastic, I could fix it.  Hopefully I was right.

Stage Three: Digital Delay. Reference photo has no neck.

I got to the point  where I was ready to paint the lower portion and realized that my reference photo had been cropped.  I quite literally cut my own throat here. (thank you, that pun just popped into my head).  I have been grumbling about the digital frame I use for my reference photos.  It's difficult to navigate because the cheap buttons on the back don't always work.  In short, I need a normal  computer display to work from so the I can get rid of this thing. (or I can just work from life, but this one has specific lighting that won't look right if I do that)  The digital menu jumps around and I can't find the photo I need, then when I go to zoom it jumps out of the menu and I have to start over.  Hate is a strong word...I hate that thing.  By the way, my pc is just across the room and too far away to use, so Ill probably end up using my old pc as a photo holder and get a new monitor for that.
Now that I've vented, the actual photo is on this computer and I'll have to upload to the digital frame to go any further.  The danger of not being able to work on something when I'm ready is that I start to tinker with the finished parts.  So instead of tinkering, I decided to post this.  More as it develops.

Second Stage

Slowly, (and I mean slowly) but surely the painting is coming along.  At this second sitting...by the way, who EVER has used that term in reference to watercolor.?..  It feels like I'm working on an oil painting.  This time however, it's because I'm putting multiple layers in the dark areas to build the shadows rather than putting color in and dabbing out the light areas. When I started this, I used only the colors that were on my palette, which made for some interesting color combinations.  But as I progressed into this stage, I ran out of paint and had to decide what I really wanted to use for color.  I chose raw sienna, Ultramarine Blue and of course my old standby for cool shadows, Cerulean Blue. I also dabbed some Davy's Gray on my pallet to add to the Ultramarine blue if I need it.  I should mention that just before I ran out of paint on my palette, I found a little well of Yellow Ochre.  I found this to work nicely to represent the lighter area of the shadow on the forehead.  I'm feeling like I could make a fatal error by not having an actual planned color scheme, but so far it's working just flying by the seat of my pants.  At one point I was thinking I should make some decisions on what I want to do, but  I think it's more exciting to just go by feel and see what happens.  And now that I've kind of seen whats working I will probably stick with that Ultramarine Blue, Davys Gray, Yellow Ochre and some of the reds that seem to have worked in representing the skin as it emerges from the shadow.  This is intended to be a dark painting, which in some ways helps.  As long as I get the values close it should work.  In the back of my mind I'm also thinking that if I lose this painting,  I have another one in me.  So in some ways, this is a "study" that might end up being an actual finished painting.  My favorite way of painting is with cautioned expectations. I end up painting more relaxed.  Notice the splashes and drips where I've thrown the color on.  That's the best part of watercolor to me.

As an added note. I always like seeing how the photos come out.  Seeing this in 2D helps me see some of the fixes that are needed in the composition.  And the compacted view helps me see if my value range is working.

Latest News: Self Portrait

I felt compelled to post something new today because I got tired of seeing the same post day after day.  It's a reminder to me that I've done nothing since then.  I drew the outline for a self portrait over the weekend.  I've been intending to get a self portrait in my portfolio for awhile and after taking several dozen pictures, decided it was time to at least try one.  This is the first stage of a large one I started this morning. So far, so good, but when I snapped the photo the reflection of the water that hadn't dried created an effect that wont be there later, so the nose actually looks better than it is at this point.  But as I said, I needed to get something in a post.  My intention is to create a fair amount of texture in the shadows to make the painting interesting. It's important to let the watercolor do it's thing.  Just need to nudge it in the right direction.

Lately my work schedule is not conducive to painting (or sleeping for that matter), but I've found time to golf so there really is no excuse not to paint as well.